Where the Love is in Counseling

“Argh, don’t judge me,” said the uppity teen as she turned,  flipped her hair, walked away. But didn’t she know that there was a piece of toilet paper hanging out from her skirt? It was the loving thing to tell her that, right?

Granted, she is embarrassed now and would rather have her head in the sand about her issues. Her response, “Don’t judge me.” is all too typical. What is loving is not seen as good, but bad. This is what happens in the majority of counseling sessions today. The Freudian model of ‘blame everyone but yourself’ has taken center stage. Sadly, what is thrown in the dusty costume closet is that which is truly loving.

Freud’s Success in Counseling

The Freudian revolution was declared a success. There was only one major problem: The people being helped weren’t getting any better. Freud’s concepts removed responsibility and morality from people’s mindsets. It’s like taking the kitty litter away from the kitty and wonder why the house got messy. Don’t blame the cat! Freud’s model essentially gives the excuse our wicked hearts always desire. The excuse that it is not my fault. “I couldn’t help taking another cookie from the cookie jar.”

Around the 1960’s, Anna Russell wrote a folk song called, “Jolly Old Sigmund Freud.” Some of the lyrics go, “But I am happy; now I’ve learned the lesson this has taught; That everything I do that’s wrong is someone else’s fault.” This was a silly song that portrayed the truths behind the psychiatric movement set in motion by Freud. By blaming others, the problem is perpetuated and there is no hope of being ‘cured’. This is not loving. Is it sin or sickness? Sin can be helped, sickness cannot be helped.

When Rubber Meets the Road

Telling the truth and honestly helping people is the truly loving  act to do. Instead of showing them the picture of the promise land, lovingly take them by the hand and lead them to it! Speak the truth in love. The truth is that the majority of our personal problems come from the sin we commit.

This example is one of many that proves the above:

G.L. Harrington worked at a V.A. Hospital in Los Angeles that had 206 male patients in a psychiatric ward. This particular ward was the last place to go–there was no hope. This was the end of the line. Many of these men could not take care of their basic needs and on average, only two out of 206 were released from this place. Harrington went into this place and within the first year of helping these men, 75 left the place. Two hundred were predicted to leave by the second year. What happened? What wasn’t working before that drastically worked for Harrington? It was a total responsibility program encouraging the men to own up to what they did wrong. And the results speak for themselves.

Years of ‘loving’ care and these men still ended up at the caboose of the train. Years of Freudian therapy that encouraged them to blame others, which in turn led them into a straight jacket. What if someone would have truly loved them from the beginning and told them the truth: That they were most likely responsible for their struggles? That potentially could have saved them years of heart ache. Freud’s idea of love is telling people they are too hard on themselves and that they are too harsh on their consciences.

Where is the Love?

The love in counseling is in the truth. Though the truth hurts, it is good, right, and honest and will be the most loving thing a person could hear. Of course this process seems easier said than done, but we must rid ourselves of the Freudian model and ethic and return to what the Scriptures teach.


For Further Discussion:

Listen to the ‘Truth in Love’ Podcast HERE.


About Nicole Leaman

Nicole Leaman is a wife and mother of two daughters. With a degree in Criminal Justice, she actively blogs about social matters regarding women and culture.

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