Two Women

The Person I Looked Down on is Now the Only Person I Want to Be

Setting: Small town college-Ohio: 2006

 

I met a girl at college who lived in the same section I did. She was a year older than me. I, along with the other seven girls, found out she was getting married at the end of the semester. I was genuinely happy for her. I didn’t know about the man she was planning on marrying (his last name was funky), but I was happy for her. It wasn’t until we got into some conversations that I began to get skeptical. Her and her fiancé decided that not doing birth control would be the most God-honoring route to go. I thought she was crazy. In my state of disbelief I said some things that were not sensitive to their decision and it revealed my heart—I despised motherhood and children.

 

These two got married and quick as a lick they were pregnant. I laughed and exclaimed, “I wonder why!” Nine months later she had a beautiful baby boy. The question came up again, “Are you going to be on birth control now?” “Nope,” she replied. I think at this point in time I called her crazy. A few months later we found out she was pregnant yet again. I scoffed, thought she was nuts, and I think at this point in time I stopped talking about contraceptives. It seemed their mind was made up. I thought the nuts and bolts in their brains were too loose.

 

I had a boyfriend at the beginning of my first year of college. I later broke up with him due to my selfishness, pride, and ‘forward thinking.’ I wanted to have a great group of girlfriends that I never had in high school. I didn’t want to be tied down to someone and always have to coordinate my schedule around a person. Me, me, me. I wanted to do something with my life before I got married and had kids. I viewed motherhood as inferior to other things I could do with my life. I viewed children as a hassle. I regarding the man’s role as superior to the woman’s role. I thought my friend was nuts until….

 

Fast forward a few years. I was a senior in college and my friend and her husband had three kids. I was single, discontent that I didn’t have any known future with a guy. I looked at my friend who was delightfully content with her life: A stay at home mama with a bright future who had a great husband and father of her children. I began to see where I went wrong. The last time I was hung out with her was when we went to an old mill that was turned into a pancake house. I watched her with her three boys (all under three). I looked at those children and I thought that this young woman was extremely blessed. We went out onto the deck (had a space big enough for the boys to run around a bit). I looked at her in the face, with slightly watered eyes and I apologized to her for what I had said and for the horrible attitude I had. She forgave me. I remember to this day what I was wearing at the mill. As impactful as this was at the time, I still did not truly get the depth of how wrong I was until….

 

Fast forward a few more years…It was 2012 and I was at the highest and at the same time, the lowest point in my life. I had a great ‘career,’ was making lots of money, but I was missing something. I had no prospects for the future. No family life was on my horizon and come to find out my friend was on her fifth child. I twinge of jealousy arose. She had almost five children.

 

I met my future husband while I was at this stage of my life. He helped me see where I had gone wrong. We studied what God’s Word says about the glorious differences between men and women. I truly learned my purpose—to give glory to God as a woman, help my husband take dominion over his world, and fill the earth with a godly offspring. It hit me–the woman I had looked down on was now the only woman I wanted to be. I realized how children are a blessing from the Lord. I recognized how fragile conception is and the delicate nature of being able to have children.

 

My husband and I decided that there would be no preventative measures in having children. If the Lord sees fit to bless us with children we will gladly receive it. The reasons I originally wanted to use birth control were purely selfish. By God’s grace and mercy, we now have one little baby girl. A true blessing from the Lord. I do not deserve this precious gift.

 

My friend is now on number six. I am so proud of her, happy for her, and thrilled for her. The Lord has abundantly blessed that family. I am looking forward to them being the next 19 kids and counting! To my friend: “You are a blessed woman. I want to be like you. Thank you for honoring our Lord and trusting in Him. May He continue to bless your family and may your children rise up and call you blessed.”

About Nicole Leaman

Nicole Leaman is a wife and mother of two daughters. With a degree in Criminal Justice, she actively blogs about social matters regarding women and culture.

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