Contemplating my last year of marriage has been both convicting and encouraging. I have found that in regards to being a good helper to my husband, I have almost all selfishness to show for it. In Genesis, God made woman to be a suitable helper for the man. The word “helper” in Hebrew (according to the theologians) is only used in referring to God being a “helper” to His people. When I first learned this, I was so excited! I used to look down on womanhood because I valued man’s role as superior to woman’s (I was a male chauvinist). Learning that God only refers to Himself with this word “helper” made my view of woman’s role turn upside down. I now view my role as important and much needed and give glory to God for making me able to be a suitable helper for my husband.
Originally, I thought that by being a stay-at-home wife I would be able to be the best helper a husband could ever dream of. Dinner on the table as he walks in the door with my hair and makeup done up so nice and fancy with a big smile on my face welcoming him home. Well, that sure didn’t happen every night. I also thought that the house would be in immaculate shape 24/7 always ready to be hospitable to the friend, enemy, or stranger who would walk through the threshold. And that didn’t happen either. I remember a particular Sunday the house was a disaster and we didn’t think it would be good to have anyone over. I missed out on that opportunity to bless someone.
As one can see, I wasn’t all that I hoped for out of myself being a stay-at-home wife*. One day, it hit me quite suddenly that I was not being my husband’s helper. I was helping him, sure, but I wasn’t really helping him. Yes, I was cleaning his laundry, cooking food, running errands etc, but I wasn’t helping him have dominion over his world. Adam’s job was to take dominion over the earth. Eve’s job was to help him do this colossal task. My husband desires for his wife to be educated. My husband desires his wife to take dominion of his house. My husband desires his wife to be prepared for whatever he is going to bring to the table (which can be anything and everything all at once). I was not the helper he wanted me to be. Some might say that this type of relationship is so one-sided and this woman sounds like she is oppressed, but I have so much joy and satisfaction in my relationship with my husband. It is like I was designed for this (Shocker! I know!). I grew up desiring man’s role and finding myself wanting something more. When I got married, I had the opportunity and privilege to stay at home and be a helper to my husband. This job that I have is the most satisfied I have been in my life. This is my liberation. The more I strive to be the helper my husband desires, the more free I feel.
For those reading this who have never had a conversation with your husband or wife about what the man’s goals are, how can a wife know how she can be the most efficient and productive helper for her husband if she doesn’t know where he is going? Does he even know where he is going? This is a great conversation at any time and in any relationship. How does a wife truly help her husband? By helping him take dominion and conquer his goals. From the least job to the greatest job. It all applies. Cheers.
*I wished I would have been taught to be productive around the house growing up. I grew up being involved in everything my small school had to offer. I was a tri-sport athlete and came home simply to clean up, eat, sleep, and do my homework. Saturdays (if I didn’t have a game of some sort) were spent doing chores. This was a one day event. I didn’t learn how to be productive by staying in the home. It has taken me over a year to learn the art and skill of staying at home while be productive. I encourage parents to train the daughters how to be productive at home. It is a valable life lesson that they will thank you for in the future. As my husband says in regards to raising children, “playing is training.”