What to look for in a Christian Husband (Part Two)

In the first part to this two part series, the topic of study was regarding what to look for in a Christian man. If you happened to miss the first part, click here. After the man being a Christ follower first and fore-most, the second most important characteristic to look for is leadership. There were two of four facets of leadership that were broken down: Spiritual Leadership and Commanding Leadership. This week, I would like to finish this two part series by examining the last two facets: Exemplar Leadership and Family Leadership.

Exemplar Leadership or Servant Leadership. Since I have been married, I have struggled with staying on task, getting things accomplished as a homemaker, and losing weight after having a baby. I did not grow up learning to stay on task at home. I was always on the go and maybe there was a Saturday chore list to do. My husband has been an exemplar leader by helping me put together an hourly schedule of getting things done. He has also helped in encouraging me along the way. In the weight department, he started to not have a meal for dinner but only a small snack. He needed to lose some weight as well so this made sense to him. This made it so I wouldn’t make a full blown meal and in turn eat too many calories throughout the day. In other areas, if my husband came home from work and I did not get too much accomplished that day, he would start working around the house. Without saying a word, my husband shamed me for not being productive and on task throughout my day. To reiterate: He did not say a word to me. His actions caused me to feel well deserving guilt. His intention was simply to help me, love me, and serve me. But I knew that was my job and I was being lazy that day. I was guilty. My husband led by example. Having a husband who leads is imperative for a well working family.

The last leadership trait I would like to touch on is Family Leadership. Many of these leadership qualities overlap into other categories and this is one of them that will be seen with all the leadership traits. Family leadership can be described as leading the family in absolutely anything and is shown by the family knowing who the leader is. It is extremely sad when children know that their father is led around by the mother of the family. This is shameful. Christ is the One who leads the Bride/Church and men are called to lead their wives as Christ does the Church. Would it then make sense if the Church led Christ? Heaven forbid! Just the thought of this gives me an unsettling feeling. Men were made to be the primary leaders in the homes. I’m not saying women can’t lead (unless we are talking about them leading their husbands or the Church). Women do, however, should be cautious in the scope of their leadership. It has been rightly said that a person who takes on responsibility not their own is in sin and likewise a person who does not fulfill their responsibility is also in sin.

We need men who lead their wives. Men who will lead their families to Christ. Men who will lead sacrificially for the good of others. Men who will lead by standing in the face of tyranny and injustice. Leadership is one of the most important qualities in good Christian men. Without this, the foundation is weak.


NOTE: For the women out there who happen to have a man who does not exhibit leadership traits: Pray for your husband. Pray the Lord will work in his heart to see the shortcomings in his leadership. As hard as it might be, the best thing you as a woman can do is do nothing. Let your husband lead. Sit, be still, and in matters that pertain to his role as leader, wait. By doing this, it forces your husband to lead. This does not mean screaming and yelling at him to lead the family. This does not mean berate him and shame him for not leading his family. Encourage him to lead. Be a woman and let him be a man.

About Nicole Leaman

Nicole Leaman is a wife and mother of two daughters. With a degree in Criminal Justice, she actively blogs about social matters regarding women and culture.

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