Ok, so what do you do now? Well, first, make sure that you are right. A doctor cannot help someone if he misdiagnoses them. Are you sure that you know what a male chauvinist is? Most people don’t. Most people think that being polite and opening the door for a woman, or being chivalrous is a form of male chauvinism. This is of course a lie, an attack on biblical masculinity. So, what does male chauvinism actually look like?
Male chauvinism is the belief, whether conscious or not, that women, womanhood, femininity, and therefore, beauty, are inferior to, men, masculinity, manhood, and strength. So you see, it’s a little bit broad of a definition, so let’s break things down some. To read more about how to identify a male chauvinist, click here.
Take for example, one woman that I helped; she believed that it was important for a man to be masculine…but because she did not believe in equality, and therefore was a chauvinist, she did not believe that it was EQUALLY important for a woman to be feminine. She thought that masculinity was better, more desirable, and more important then, ‘stupid, useless femininity’. She had no idea she was a male chauvinist, but she sure hated all those other ‘male chauvinist pigs’…kind of ironic, huh? Definitely makes you think of the verse about taking logs out of eyes or something like that…
Ok, so let’s move on, supposing that you are pretty sure you’re sweet darling looks down on women, and might even wish, in some ways, that she was a man, or hates her God given role. Now what? Make sure that you yourself are not being hypocritical. Look at your heart and see if you are willing to be, striving to be, the man that God says you are to be. Yes, even the ‘stereotypical’ man that this world hates. God stereotypes, so we should as well.
As a man who has had personal experience with this type of problem, I need to tell you that you need to be firm and consistent with your girlfriend or fiancé. Pray for her, and make sure that you are stepping up to be the man in the relationship. Odds are, even if it means being a bit ‘harsh’, she will like it and respond well. Women do not respect weak men, and most especially women who are male chauvinists. Do not ‘bow down’ to her. Be soft, be gentle, gracious and loving, kind, supportive….but put your foot down on this and don’t let it move an inch.
A woman who is a male chauvinist will inadvertently teach your daughters wrong. If you let her chauvinism continue unchecked, it will spread to your kids. As the leader, you will be held responsible for this. Walk her through the Word of God, showing her passages like: John 4:2 to show that the Lord Himself prepared rooms, apparently it can’t be an inferior task; or 1 Cor 16:13, which shows that clearly there is a way that a man is to characteristically behave, and it is distinct from that of a woman (not to mention showing how the Holy Spirit does that oh so evil called ‘stereotyping’).
It’s going to be very important, especially if you do need to be giving some ‘tough love’ that you reassure and reaffirm with lots and lots of ‘gentle love.’ You will need to make sure that you yourself, (I can’t say it enough) are not male chauvinist, in anyway shape or form. Every time we deal with other people’s sin, we need to be checking our own hearts to see if we are in need of repenting ourselves. Helping a woman come to value and appreciate being a woman, is going to be tougher, in some ways, then helping a man come to appreciate women. But patience can most certainly win out.
But what if you get nowhere? She doesn’t budge at all? Then the only other two courses of action would be to either find a different girlfriend, or get biblical counseling here. But whichever option you pick, pray about it, and strive, as hard as it can be, to do what is in the best interest of others, and not your own. Of course, as the leader of the family, you as the man must keep in mind that you need a good wife, not just any wife. Letting her go may in fact be perfectly acceptable.