Tomboys and Pansies Pt 3

Looking back at the last two weeks, we have considered that children by and large learn behaviors through the people they interact with the most. If a mother of the family is dominant and “wears the pants”, the daughter could potentially mimic and do the same thing. If the father of the family is ‘whipped’ so to speak, the boys will most likely grow up to be followers instead of leaders. Our boys need to grow up knowing the weight of their responsibility: they will be the ones [primarily] who will be held responsible for their family (Responsibility/Headship: Gen 3:8-13 & 1 Cor. 11:3, Protection-Josh. 1:13-14, Providing-1 Tim. 5:8, Spiritual: Eph. 5:26). Although I have heard so much that “we need to train our boys to become men.” I have not heard very explicitly, “We need to train our girls to become women.” This is a command….to “train” younger women to be ‘true’ women so to speak (Titus 2:3-4). It is because culture has distorted woman’s role/biblical femininity that I cannot say without someone getting ‘offended’ that “Women should submissive to their husbands in everything” (except with direct disobedience to God). Everything. If you find you do not like that I can guarantee you that if you dig deep you will find sin in your heart.


Pride. Arrogance. Rebellion. Selfishness. Conceitedness. I know this because I found these roots in my heart in regards to femininity and masculinity. Women (more specifically wives) are called to be/do the following: Helper: Gen 2:18, Care Taker: Titus 2:3-5, Ultimate image of beauty: Song of Solomon, and Submissive to husbands: 1 Tim. 2: 12.

In the second week, I talked about the seeds that were sown early in my life and the product I reaped was masculinity. I can’t say it enough that this was not done intentionally by my parents. None of this was done with the attitude of: “Oh, I want her to be masculine so I will not say anything and lead her down a masculine path.” Who I was came from a sinful and deceptive heart. It was because of Christ and His sacrifice that I could be redeemed: not just spiritually, but with every aspect of my life. We as Christians are not just called to become saved and live our merry lives with no changing. We are called to sanctification. To fix what is broken.

We as Christians should be redeeming everything we come into contact. Our families, church, schools, friends, extended families, neighbors, everyone we come into contact with. Redeeming…to recover sinful distortions into what they were intended to be. God made Adam and Eve perfect. He created their relationship with Himself and with each other perfect. When sin entered into the world, everything-to include creation-was tainted by sin and became distorted. Our relationships became distorted. Our deepest most intimate connections became distorted. Femininity became distorted. Masculinity became distorted. When I was born, I inherited distortion. After I realized (through God’s magnificent grace alone) that my life was horribly masculine and I was living a distorted life, I began the process of becoming who God made me to be: a true woman. My dress, my speech, my walk, my attitude, and soul was becoming more feminine. I didn’t know how bad everything was until I tried to fix it. Imagine a 25 year old trying to walk with her hips and a sway instead of with her shoulders and like a horse rider that just got off a horse after 4 hours of riding… it wasn’t pretty. If anything it was like the one funny part out of a bad comedy.

My hope and prayer is to encourage women to stand down. To get out of man’s arena (where he ultimately flourishes in) and to get into women’s arena (where she will flourish in). When women go into man’s realm, we are taking their masculinity away. They are not true men when we as women are not true women. When women become the primary protectors and the children run to the women for protection (police officer: mom-librarian: dad). When women become the primary means of providing (CEO: mom-stay at home: dad). When women are the primary spiritual leaders of a Christian home (who is teaching the children to follow the Lord…mom or dad? Who is seen as the spiritual leader? Mom or Dad? Kids aren’t stupid….they know.) The Lord will hold the heads of the households primarily responsible for what goes on. “The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Genesis 3:12. God calls Adam to give the account and the distortion began: He blamed God and Eve for what happened.

Kids are sponges. They will soak every distortion up. Praise the Lord for His grace in our children’s life. If it wasn’t for His mercy, “The Lord of the Flies” would be our reality. Although the Lord is sovereign and has 100% control over everything, this does not mean that we step back and not teach our children. We need to teach and train them in the way of the Lord. We need to teach and train the boys to be men and girls to be women. It will be much more difficult (and hypocritical at times) if we don’t act or even know what true manhood and womanhood look like. I implore you to dig deeper, examine your heart, and become the man or woman God intended you to be…. its liberating. Your children and your children’s children will thank you.

“Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God, let him answer it.” Job 40:2.

About Nicole Leaman

Nicole Leaman is a wife and mother of two daughters. With a degree in Criminal Justice, she actively blogs about social matters regarding women and culture.

7 thoughts on “Tomboys and Pansies Pt 3

  1. Merry Christmas!
    Thanks for following my blogs. I enjoying reading your posts. Redeeming….Your so right. One of my picks for the New Year is to “Share” the word with all I come in contact with.

    You see, God has done *Miracles* in my life, as I live life in recovery for 6+yrs now. He saved me more times then I can count! The 2 times that really counted was from 2 failed suicide attempts. It seems I could not stop my gambling addiction and wee to many cocktails on my own. He answered my prayers to by taking all my Triggers & Urges away to give me a chance at Long-Term-Recovery.

    We learn in our 12-step program, and in my past treatment group that we CAN recover as long as we “Believe in a Power Greater Than ourselves” and that higher power is “MY GOD” πŸ™‚ AMEN!
    Great Post! I’m a now a Follower!
    God Bless,
    Author Catherine Townsend-Lyon Xo

  2. I am very confused about your blog. As you must know, as you follow mine, our perspective on religion is nearly 180 degrees apart, but the two main questions i have are:

    If Dan in a male, why the voice of a female in writing the Tomboys and pansies series? are you reblogging and i just missed that? second, if you are going to quote scripture to make your point that women are to be submissive, or anything else, why not quote Jesus? So much of Paul’s writing is troubling in that it gets so completely off message from the Gospel of Jesus. And Titus and Timothy are even more troubling in authorship and message. They are so far away from even the typical stuff Paul wrote about, if you have to lead there and cant find correlating passages in the first 5 books of the new testament, you might want to re evaluate your position. It seems to me, most modern Christians have gotten so far from the message of Jesus they rarely find anything they stand for coming out of the mouth of Jesus. I call these kind of “Christians” Paulites. I am curious why you do not consider yourself to be a Paulite. As a reader of my blog, I assume you know who i think Paul was? I will keep reading to see where your life takes you.

    1. I do apologize for the confusion, I am the woman who wrote the tomboys and pansies series. I do appreciate your response and would like to shed some light on the confusion. I hope you do not think that the words written in red (What Jesus Himself said) in the Bible are not to be taken more seriously than the other passages in the Bible. All scripture is inspired by God (II Timothy 3:16-17…my italics). That is first and foremost. If you ignore this passage you don’t give credence to Paul? Our Lord, Jesus Christ is the one who told Paul where to go and what to say (Acts 9:5-6. Acts 22:14-15, Act 26:17-18). The church in Corinth had some troubles when they basically started calling themselves “Paulites” so to speak:

      1 Corinthians 1:10 “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, β€œI follow Paul,” or β€œI follow Apollos,” or β€œI follow Cephas,” or β€œI follow Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?”

      I do not consider myself a Paulite but a follower of Christ. The message of Jesus is woven into the entirety of Sacred Scriptures…Genesis to Revelation. Every aspect of our lives needs to be redeemed because we are broken. We are distorted because of sin. My life was screwed up because of sin and it was only through Jesus revealing it to me that I came to any conclusions what so ever (1 Corinthians 2:10…if you don’t like what God said through Paul a verse written in red is Matthew 11:25).

      I hope this helps any confusion there was. Please share any other questions.

  3. I read all three parts of your entry. I have a few questions for you:

    1. Did you write these blog enteries or was there a guest writer? I thought the person who ran this was a guy . . .

    2. What do you think would happen if people raised both boys and girls with no strict societal expectations for or demonization of any of those societal expecations for both genders?

    Hope you have a grand day. πŸ™‚

    1. I apologize for the confusion. I am a woman and I wrote the three part series. Dan has been so kind to allow me to write about my experiences. You ask an interesting question…my response is this: They would end up with the traditional roles. Because at the heart of every man is a man. At the heart of every woman is a woman. It is because we are living in a distorted world there is so much confusion. Letting loose on societal expectations will create more confusion, heart ache, and distortion. What do you think would happen if people raised both boys and girls with no strict societal expectations/standard for genders?

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