Tomboys and Pansies Part 2

So we talked last week about the importance of raising boys to be men and girls to be women. If we don’t, the children will learn it one way or another…whether they are told/taught or what they see and emulate. I was not verbally taught the importance of being a woman. I saw and learned through my fantastic, feminine mother, but I rejected it because I thought women were inferior to men. I wasn’t shown through scripture where it spoke of beauty and that ‘helper’ in Genesis is only used to reference how God is our helper. My job as helper is that important! I emulated my dad because I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to spend time with him. My dad was into military stuff and so I was too. My dad valued sports and so I was too. My dad was into motorcycles so I was into off-roading as I identified with man’s role. The scary thing about this is I didn’t do this knowingly. It was sub conscience. This is one of the main reasons why I am so passionate about. I wasn’t thinking with a masculine mindset on purpose. I was not normal. “There is nothing wrong with…yes, you are different but that’s Ok.” I hate to break the news to people but I was not normal.
Imagine me, a 10-11 year old girl crying as my dad and brother got to go out to a men’s retreat–camping in the woods, riding off-road vehicles, and shooting guns. So much fun! Take a glimpse into my thought process: This is totally unfair. How come I have to stay here while they get to go out and have fun. What am I going to do? Why did I have to be made a girl? Unfortunately, the next year it was called “family retreat.” I was the only girl that went.
Fast forward a few years and here I was at 24 years…Life was great (or so I thought),. Top sports athlete at school, honor society, gifted musician, held leadership roles in high school, police explorer, no drugs, no sex, everyone loved me, I was helpful and considerate to others, I wasn’t a jerk or a bully, my parents were extremely proud, and  I was the example everyone looked to (well, I got told that a lot anyway). I had reached every major goal I set in life just about. I went to college on a sports scholarship, got a degree, joined the national guard, and I was hired at a major city police department. Someone asked me, “Wow, you have completed so much and you are only 24? What else do you want to do in life? What is your next goal? I looked at that person, thought about it for a second, and I replied, “I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.” (Red flags anyone? Any at all?) Some people said when I was younger, “It’s a phase, she’ll grow out of it.” At 24, I identified with men more than I did with women and I had not grown out of that masculine phase…until one day…
I was sitting in church when  my mom quickly rushed to me and said, “Did you see that new guy? [me] What new guy? [her] The guy who is in the military?” [me] No, I haven’t.” The church service was about to begin so I sat down. I had not seen this new guy people were talking about. Then my sister leaned over and said, “He is sitting by Eli. We stood for we stood up for the singing of a hymn. As I stood up I glanced behind and he was looking straight at me. Staring at my eyes not ashamed or shy in doing so…..(be still my beating heart).
And then began the hardest, difficult, most fulfilling, and liberating year of my short life. Questions started being raised such as, “Do you think the Bible supports women in the police force? What is the difference between combat in the military and combat in the police force? Do you think you are too masculine? Shouldn’t you work on your femininity…after all, you are a woman and not a man.” Observations were being communicated such as, “Did you know you walk like a man? Your posture seems aggressive. Do you think you do a better job at being a man than I do? Do you even want to be a woman?”
When these questions and observations came flooding into my life, I realized that I had never really been asked or questions about them in the past. Everybody thought it was just “who I was” and they wanted to support me. I believe that this is one of the most unloving things a person can do. My sin was in my heart and it came out in my actions (James 1:14-15, Jer 27:9). I didn’t think about these things. I just wasn’t interested in feminine things. I wasn’t interested in being a true woman. People saw this and recognized it and the most I got from people was this: “We are afraid for you” (in regards to military life and police work), “You should dress up more often” (Why? I didn’t want to do that ‘stupid stuff’.)
I sowed masculine seeds in my field and guess what popped in my life? You guessed it–I reaped masculine traits. I walked, talked, acted, sat, and dressed like a man. Like I mentioned before, I did not do this very consciously. I thought men were superior to women so why in the world would I want to emulate women?? In a culture that despises weakness, frailty, homemakers, house wives etc, why would a talented person like myself care for any of that stuff? No, no, this was deep in my psyche. When I was 17 years old, I looked at my amazing aunt of 6 boys said, “Why would I want to be a homemaker? I want to do something with my life.” I despised woman’s role….and it showed. These things should be understood by all; so please, if you know a ‘tomboy’ try to invest in her life. She most likely is struggling much like I did. There is probably something going on deep down that will take a lot of patience and wisdom in helping her to see, by God’s grace, the beauty, importance, and value of womanhood.

Why didn’t people sit me down and explain to me that our God values beauty in women and He made us and designed us specifically to complement man whom He also designed in a specific way to complement women. Some say its genetics…that women who display more masculine traits than feminine or men who exhibit feminine traits then masculine were born that way. This is a lie straight from the ultimate deceiver himself. A man who identifies with women, and a woman who identifies with men, are in a sinful state, period. I am a woman.You cultivate a flower in fertile soil and it will grow. That man who asked me the extremely tough and hard questions knew this….He knew that I was, deep down, and woman…like all women. He knew that if he cultivated and encouraged me to be feminine I would flourish. And let me tell you what friends–I have never felt so liberated in my life. Being a true woman who needs a true man and fulfilling the role God has called me to be is amazing. Feminism is a lie; I can tell you from my own experience how devastating, oppressive, and just how dysfunctional a family can become, by not enforcing those ‘horrible, evil’ stereotypes on their little girls.

About Nicole Leaman

Nicole Leaman is a wife and mother of two daughters. With a degree in Criminal Justice, she actively blogs about social matters regarding women and culture.

5 thoughts on “Tomboys and Pansies Part 2

    1. Hi Sophia, I wrote a response to your comment…but it attached itself to the comment above yours 🙂 Happy New Year!

  1. I am curious if you have ever heard of this analogy: “If a child had the physique of man, they would physically rip you apart because you did not give them what they wanted.” Allowing a child to be who they are is not oppressive, but it is the way we can show them our love. Because we, who have lived longer, know that their path is foolish and leads to destruction. More than this-more important than that reason is because the Bible teaches us to do so: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15; “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

    1. It makes me so sad that you have such good and loving intentions, and I can respect your beliefs and your patience in teaching them. However, the only words I can think of to describe this way of thinking are suffocating and oppressive.

      Why does it MATTER what we have between our legs? All people are just people and it is no one else’s business what someone else does with their life.

      You of course have the right to believe whatever you choose, but please. Don’t try to ruin the lives of others just because there’s a way you think things “should” be.

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