Tomboys and Pansies Part 1

Kids are sponges. No one needs proof about this. We just know that the large majority of kids soak up everything they encounter. Languages come naturally to kids it seems like. My 6 cousins ranging from ages 3-10 recently moved to Brazil for missions work. These 6 kids caught on so fast. Within 5 months, they were translating for me when I went to visit them this past summer. They learn so fast! Unfortunately, kids also pick up and learn behavior that is not conducive to Christian living.


[The first most important above all else, even with what follows, is the child’s relationship with the Lord. Without Christ they are lost completely.]


Children will learn what their role is in life through the ones they are most around (parents, daycare, neighbors, and school). Knowing and following Christ is most important in the child’s life. What’s next after that? What they will do in life? What college they will go to? We as parents need to not forget this: One day, if the Lord wants, your child will grow up. They will become men and women. This culture says there is no difference between men and women (women being forced to sign up for the draft is next, don’t believe me? Type it in Google and see what pops up). Culture is saying that men can fit into women’s mold and women can fit into men’s mold. What they are not saying is the consequences of this belief.


Little girls must be raised to be women. Little boys must be raised to be men. What does this mean? What does this look like? What does the Bible say about this? Is it that important?


If women are to follow the authority of Christ, the church leaders, fathers, and husbands, why in the world are we pushing and encouraging them desperately to be leaders of the next generation? Why are we pushing them to not need men? Why are we loving the movie ‘Brave’ which promotes that women can be just as good and better than men at being men?


Please listen and think very deep about this. Women will never match up to men at being men….because guess what (pause for effect) women are not men. And the opposite is true as well. Men will never match up to women at being women because they aren’t women.


So the question I have is this, “Why did the first statement bother you if it did?” I could possibly have the answer. Because a year ago I would have had a big problem because I was taught wrong.


As a woman, I thought I was inferior to men for being a woman. So I looked down on womanhood, motherhood, and femininity. I fought tooth and nail to reject the essence of who God created me to be. I wanted to fit man’s mold. I was angry at God for making me a woman. I have heard this from so many women more and more that they thought this growing up too. What in the world?? Do boys grow up angry at God because God created them boys? I’m guessing they don’t as much because this culture values masculinity more than femininity. Being weaker is inferior, being beautiful is ‘dumb’ and ‘pointless’. Needing a man to complement what women don’t have is looked down on. No wonder stay at home moms should ‘do something important with their life.’ That is the biggest lie I ever believed. Next week, Lord willing, I will continue the thought that, no….we CAN’T afford to learn how to be women and men later in life…we have to teach and train kids how to be men and women now. While we can…. while they are sponges.


Read more…

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

About Nicole Leaman

Nicole Leaman is a wife and mother of two daughters. With a degree in Criminal Justice, she actively blogs about social matters regarding women and culture.

13 thoughts on “Tomboys and Pansies Part 1

  1. Great post. I will be writing about this very issue in my second book. I believe there is a reason why our society tries to make women into caricatures of men.

    Well done in having gumption to write such a common sense post. My compliments.

  2. Excellent….
    As I time like the present….
    Thank you for continuing to show us the beauty in each of our positions in God..and how magnificent they are…
    As being a single mother of four sons…I sadly had to put away my strength as a woman and act as a man…it had a hard tally on my family..and now as they are men…I have put away my manly ways…:) and am growing into a woman…who I was all along…

    1. Thank you for sharing this. Its always an encouragement for me knowing I’m not alone in this struggle (continued struggle that will probably affect me my entire life in one way or another). Would you mind sharing a few details on why it was a ‘hard tally’ on your family? Again, thanks for sharing!

      1. I was not married to a quality man…so even from the very beginning..when the boys were babes…he stepped out of the role of being a man..and then as they grew he only stepped in to be abusive…his ideas of punishment or discipline was beatings…
        So to keep her family together..and most women do this…I became both parents…it had a great cost to me physically with a heart attack and other issues…
        My sons were good after the divorce..but they kept seeking for a role model for being a man..a natural desire for men…and I was what was available…
        Working two jobs and trying to get them back and forth to their needs…made me in a hyper state all the time…and I had no clue as to what to do..even less as a mother/woman position…
        He returned right at the most precious time and the boys emulated his behavior..abuser…
        Each and every one has assaulted me and various others mainly women…and have had their lives struggle and be in great peril….
        I have had no contact with them in a number of years…they are extremely lost..addicts..and alcoholics..
        They turned to what the world has told them makes a man…
        Love heals much..but God set up places for each of us..and we have twisted them around…because well we can..
        The hardest thing for me to do..was to tell them no…and not take on the accountability of their father…
        They have replaced me with a woman who obliges them and lets herself be abused…
        I am in ease and love of my life..with our God…He comforts me when I try to be a man..and sets me into being a woman again..and gently reminds me I have taken the correct path…
        There is great peril on taking on another’s role..and even greater peril in relinquishing it..because this world will attempt to destroy you..and in some people they succeed…
        But God is merciful..heals..loves and pours out His grace..and lets me know..I am walking..right where I need to be..and I am safe as a woman..right in the palm of his hand…and He knows my name..and what I am to be doing..the question for me is this…Do I have the courage to do it..?

        1. Thanks for sharing again, Mandy. Your story can helps a lot of folks out there. One more question if you don’t mind. What would be your advice to those who struggle with fulfilling their role?

  3. The problem is that women haven’t effectively “marketed” the enormous value they bring in their tradition roles (including inspiring their men to achieve). Also, too many men have failed to hold up their roles to the point that traditional gender roles seem too risky.

  4. Great post! And one that is troubling for me. My son is 11, and I just started going to Church last Spring but my family doesn’t go yet. How can I instill these values in Jake now, when I haven’t enforced church? Is it too late?

    1. These things can be hard, I have been working through very similar issues in my life. My advice to you is focusing on the gospel, on the fact that Jesus Christ, the very Son of God, died so that we could have our sins forgiven, that the Father would not cast us into hell. Many of the things on this blog are helpful and good, but the gospel is more important and foundational. If your son does not understand what Christ has done, then teaching him other things will be, well, in end pretty pointless. This is where we need to pray for our relatives and for God to grant us patience.

      Saint Agustine was saved, in a sense, because of his mother. She continually prayed, often in tears, for her son. The amazing thing is seeing just how much love she had, that she did so many years. And God rewarded her, saving both her husband and son. Once people are where the belong in Christ, everything else falls into place, bit by bit, piece by piece. It is not too late, and we will be praying for you!

      If you have any other questions or concerns don’t hesitate to ask.
      God bless,

    1. Hi, and thank you for following my blog. I am pretty sure you can follow it through wordpress by scrolling down to the very bottom. There should be a meta section allowing you to login and register that way. I have never used that method before so I am not too sure how it works. Let me know if it works out for ya, God bless!

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